i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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