I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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