the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just high enough for therapy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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