In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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