this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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