One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
