Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night