Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.