When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake