Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!