Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
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I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.