So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
