Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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