the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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