I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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