Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
