what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
