I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
