if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
