dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
