as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
