I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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