I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
