Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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