didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
