she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
