he puts the penis in happiness.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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