On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
