God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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