Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I will pee on everything he values.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A+ Viking dick
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