I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
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i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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