my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
