hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
