All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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