Yo dont text me then not text me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
