I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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