You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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