I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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