Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
