you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
