Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
