I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
