You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
