Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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