was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i believe in u and ur pee
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
