Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
