the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
