I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
