he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
