u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
