just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
