Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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