i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
