somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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