I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
