So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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