This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize