Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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