My boss' voice literally gives me gas
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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