once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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