i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
