Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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