Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
